Hot Topics: Navigating Enmeshment and Setting Boundaries with Alyssa Mancao - Ep 97

Hot Topics

Dec 3

Today we're diving deep into a topic you've been requesting since Dear Shandy's earliest days: Enmeshment. We're joined by psychotherapist Alyssa Mancao to define this dynamic, how to navigate it, and when and how to set boundaries. This conversation also spawns a lot of interesting tangents on subtopics ranging from culture norms to differentiating between irritation and impairment.

Alyssa Mancao is a psychotherapist and the founder of Alyssa Marie Wellness, a therapy practice in Los Angeles. She is a writer, speaker, and educator focused on Social Justice & Mental Health. Her writing has been featured in Huffington Post, Elle, Women’s Health, Oprah Magazine, and Re-Spin, among many others.

WATCH

Time Stamps:
0:00 - Welcome To Psychotherapist Alyssa Mancao!
1:58 - Is Enmeshment A Common Issue?
2:43 - What Is Enmeshment, Emotional Incest, Codependency?
4:18 - Enmeshment And Attachment Styles
5:30 - What Are The Most Common Enmeshed Dynamics?
6:47 - Are There Common Themes In Terms Of Age, Gender, Culture?
7:43 - If It's Culturally Normal And All Parties Are OK With An Enmeshed Dynamic, Is It Still Unhealthy?
10:30 - How To Distinguish Between Enmeshment And Connection
13:02 - How To Navigate Guilt When Setting Boundaries
15:29 - When It's Not A Clear Right/Wrong Scenario, Should One Side With Their Partner Or Their Family?
18:26 - What A Healthy Dynamics Between An Adult Child And Their Parent Looks Like
19:53 - How To Embark On Setting Boundaries
26:27 - At What Point Do You Change What Has Become "Normal"?
30:10 - Patterns In Enmeshed Parents
32:08 - When Grief Is Involved
36:19 - If Your Partner's Parent Is Enmeshed, How Should One Broach The Topic?
38:56 - If You Grew Up In A Codependent Environment, How To Change Habits Moving Forward?
42:14 - Where's The Line Between Accepting Someone Else's Culture And Maintaining Your Boundaries?
44:03 - What If The Enmeshed Party Threatens Self Harm Or Has Mental Health Struggles?
48:26 - Shandy's Takeaways

LISTEN

Time Stamps:
0:00 - Welcome To Psychotherapist Alyssa Mancao!
1:58 - Is Enmeshment A Common Issue?
2:43 - What Is Enmeshment, Emotional Incest, Codependency?
4:18 - Enmeshment And Attachment Styles
5:30 - What Are The Most Common Enmeshed Dynamics?
6:47 - Are There Common Themes In Terms Of Age, Gender, Culture?
7:43 - If It's Culturally Normal And All Parties Are OK With An Enmeshed Dynamic, Is It Still Unhealthy?
10:30 - How To Distinguish Between Enmeshment And Connection
13:02 - How To Navigate Guilt When Setting Boundaries
15:29 - When It's Not A Clear Right/Wrong Scenario, Should One Side With Their Partner Or Their Family?
18:26 - What A Healthy Dynamics Between An Adult Child And Their Parent Looks Like
19:53 - How To Embark On Setting Boundaries
26:27 - At What Point Do You Change What Has Become "Normal"?
30:10 - Patterns In Enmeshed Parents
32:08 - When Grief Is Involved
36:19 - If Your Partner's Parent Is Enmeshed, How Should One Broach The Topic?
38:56 - If You Grew Up In A Codependent Environment, How To Change Habits Moving Forward?
42:14 - Where's The Line Between Accepting Someone Else's Culture And Maintaining Your Boundaries?
44:03 - What If The Enmeshed Party Threatens Self Harm Or Has Mental Health Struggles?
48:26 - Shandy's Takeaways